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February 17th, 2009


11:57 pm

i dont know if anyone's stil around her anymore..
but if you are and you're curious or care or are bored
i wrote a piece for my non-fiction class this semster and i'm reallyreally proud of it
it's basically a narrative of this last year of my life in relation to my boo [not] in jail
there's a lot that's been unsaid or speculated about behind my back
so i suppose it's my offer of putting everything out on the table
or at least a lot more than i have been
anyway
it's like 10 pages long so i don't want to post it on here
but if you'd like me to email it to you just hit me up
cmartin@lclark.edu
anyone who asks can read it


(Leave a comment)

January 16th, 2008


04:06 pm
 

So

It’s been brought to my attention that I’m a joke

And not in the haha-ongoing-fun-fest-of-giggles-and-wiggles

No

Like the Leigh Walker/Maddah/Betty jokes of the world

Who are so painfully oblivious to their social retardation

They just go on thinking the world is laughing with them

Not at them

 

I honestly never thought I’d be that person

I mean maybe people have given up on me along the way

Gotten tired of my constant dramas

But I never wanted to be the melodramatic idiot you laughed at

 

I get that a lot of it is my own damn fault

Putting myself in stupid situations

Which is a big part of my alcoholism

The need for attention

And of course everything it took to get my drugs or drink

 

But as far as my reflections on it all

It’s not meant to be funny

It’s really me

And maybe you think I’m dumb and pathetic and a joke

But it’s just me feeling things really intensely

Being confused and needy and emotional and afraid

Expressing myself in stanza-ed half-poetry

 

Anyway

I’m trying not to care too much about what people think

But obviously I still really do

I’m on my 9th step now which is about making amends to people i've hurt along the way

And most of the people who supposedly read this are on it

So I’m sure you’ll be getting a letter soon

[I had to write letters to everyone on my list]

And maybe you’ll laugh and think it’s just more overly-dramatic Claire bullshit

But I’m doing this for me

So that I can be something more than a drunk, useless, pathetic joke of a person

 

Yah feel?

 

I’m also making this a public post so if anyone feels the need to express themselves in an anonymous way you totally can

To be perfectly honest-I have a lot of respect for people who can be straight-forward about their opinions

Fucking call me on my shit if you think I’m being stupid

How the hell else am I supposed to learn and grow and be something more?


(6 comments | Leave a comment)

November 6th, 2007


04:51 pm
 fuck you and your 11/23

(Leave a comment)

May 2nd, 2006


10:52 pm
I know that it seems like a lot of the time
with the things I do/say/reveal
I’m waving around this giant flag that says
“Look at me! Look at me! Care about every aspect of me!!”
which I admit, is mostly true
but sometimes
I don’t want my business becoming everyone else’s
So if you’re reading this
we could probably go without the rumors being spread
you’re not helping

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

April 4th, 2006


09:54 pm
tell me something real
anonymous or not
funny or serious
mean or kind
tell me the truth


“I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I have to go.”
-Theodore Roethke

(19 comments | Leave a comment)

May 25th, 2005


08:16 pm
Leave me an anonymous comment with:

One compliment.
One insult.
Lyrics to a song.
How long we've been friends.
make me smile
Tags:

(34 comments | Leave a comment)

January 3rd, 2005


01:19 pm

(17 comments | Leave a comment)


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